Personal | Mental Health Thoughts
I remember when...
I experienced seasonal depression for the first time. I was in college, it was cloudy (like in my head and in the sky) and I couldn’t motivate. Couldn’t motivate to go to class. I couldn’t give my all in sports. I felt distant in my friendships and relationships. I remember not being able to really pin down all my feelings – I was all over the place, up and down and all around.
I was 19 years old. I felt sad and I just wanted to sleep. I wasn’t eating healthy and consuming too much alcohol too.
I wanted to be apart of everything but I didn’t want to be apart of anything. I felt like I couldn’t fit in. I felt different. I couldn’t control my mind filling up with thoughts – happy one minute sad the other. I felt out of my own body.
This was my first experience with depression.
For me, it can show up in different ways
Depression, anxiety and stress can show up in different ways. And it isn’t consistent all the time.
I’ve felt it in the middle of the winter, when others are thriving, growing and happy and you just feel like nothing is exciting in your life. I’ve experienced it when, I moved to a new place and didn’t feel a community of support or like minded people. I’ve felt it at the grocery store when I say hi to someone, but they don’t respond or even acknowledge you said anything. I’ve felt it during happy moments (when I’m supposed to be happy) but I’m just not truly happy.
One event in your life or current situation of stress, will affect everything. But it doesn’t have to. I’m learning to focus on the good and positive of everything, even during the darkest times or times of struggle.
The hardest time.
One of the hardest times in my life, was really just one sentence from a loved one. It still stings to think about that moment – I still tear up when I think about it.
“Why are you so sad and angry all the time?”
It was a HUGE moment in my life. In my journey to be a better person to myself. To be more aware of my feelings and how I navigate through them. This one sentence gave me the push to align my life to be more intentional, more present and to take the steps to be happy.
Leading up to this question because asked of me – I was in a very dark place. I was climbing up but always falling back further and further. I wasn’t taking care of myself and could barely take care of others.
What I do know.
Through every experience in my life – relationships, marriage, pregnancies and births, post partum life, exercise and body changes, new and old friendships, family events, work challenges, business development and creating my own self – I’ve experienced depression, stress and anxiety through all of it and at different levels.
I do know that, creating my own self and being authentically YOU is what matters most. Doing what is best for you, what makes you happy, what fuels your soul. Not complying to the norms, taking your time and making and creating your own way.
There is absolutely NO way to can give to others, if you haven’t given to yourself.
Through my experiences...
- Everyone is going through something – be sensitive to that. Ask questions. Don’t assume. And be less judgmental.
- If someone reacts to something quickly or negativity – give them grace. Their reaction probably has nothing to do with you.
- Listen. Be helpful.
One last thing. Try not to say “Oh, I had no idea” or “Why didn’t you tell me?!” A person in a dark place, typically won’t reach out. And by saying these things – it makes it about you and it’s really about THEM!
Learn to let go.
Let me preface, that I’m still learning how to manage my ups and downs. It’s a journey.
Things that I’ve learned to let go of.
- Thinking about what has happened in the past.
- Excuses.
- Fear of the unknown.
- Anyone and anything that doesn’t make you happy.
- Not being myself.
- Lazy habits that are holding you back and procrastinating
- Worrying about what people think of you.
- Unrealistic expectations for yourself and others.
- Overindulging in unhealthy habits.
Changing my mindset.
My short list of daily affirmations + mental well being
- Surround myself with people who love me through it all.
- Start your thinking of what you are grateful for.
- Don’t suppress – Talk about it.
- Take a break – no pressure to finish everything on your list. You will get done.
- Stay in the present – don’t jump to ‘what if’s’ in my mind.
PRO TIP: You will NOT solve any of your problems, issues or stressors in your life in the middle of the night, while you are trying to sleep but you can’t stop thinking. Repeat to yourself, that you need to rest and to let your mind have a break. Take several deep breaths and save it for the morning when you have a clear mind.
It's a journey, and I know...
it’s not over yet. I know there will be dark and cloudy days. Days that will be hard. But what I do know, is that there will be more sunny days. Days where I am my true self. I can share my true self. And I know, it too will pass.
Being selfish for a few moments each day, has changed my life. For a while, it was about my babies and my business, but I learned that I can’t give them my full self before I give myself some love.
Do something that makes you happy. Makes you thrive. Starts your day with a bang. It may just be, waking up before everyone in your house and going for a walk or drinking your morning coffee alone.
What I try to do everyday to love myself.
- exercise (run, hike or walk)
- get off social media
- being outside – vitamin D is lovely.
- set reasonable expectations of things to do that day – a short list
- breathe
- drink more water
- stick to a healthy bed time routine (tea, book, writing and peaceful time)
- eat foods that are good for your gut.
One idea for you + my final thoughts.
Reach out to that friend you think about, but haven’t text or called or emailed in a while. Just say hi. Ask how they are doing. That’s really all it takes.
It is hard to reach out to people when you are in a dark place. Feeling alone is one of the biggest reasons, along with not knowing where to start.
When a friend reached out to me in the depths of my darkest – it lifted me!
It’s a simple act of kindness, a nice gesture and a connection needed during times of heavy clouds.
and finally. Get take-out, buy a frozen pizza or eat a sandwich for dinner. Give yourself grace. Don’t be pressured to always end your day with a gourmet meal.
You are perfectly you. And that’s perfect.
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7 Responses
Gosh darn it this is good! Powerful! Makes me reflect on my own struggles. Life!
I’m learning to take the time to reflect!
❤️ it’s not easy to share and be so vulnerable with depression. Thank you for sharing your true feels. I’m in tears here, it hits home. ❤️
Thank you Jazmin. Sometimes you just have to share and be vulnerable for I know there are others in a similar space.
I love this so much and definitely need to work on giving myself some more grace! Thank you for sharing ❤️
This spoke to me in so many ways, Kat, starting with Seasonal Affect Disorder in college and situational depression in recent years. I look forward to seeing you again soon, in the shop or on the trails in the Foothills! ♡♡♡
Thanks for taking the time to read!!!